An Interview with John Doe

Recently I sat down with John Doe and conducted an interview. The following is a transcript of our conversation..


IR: Welcome John Doe!!
JD: Hi irish, thank you for having me.

IR: John, are you related to Jane Doe or is it just happenstance that you have the same last name?

JD: Jane got her name when she was adpoted by a large pack of deer and raised in the wilderness.

IR: WOW! That is really cool! Really?
JD: No stupid, she is my sister...what a goof!

IR: Oh ok...you got me there John Doe! John, let me ask you this. You are basically the unknown male in America...how does that feel?
JD: Well, it feels weird....you know being the guy no one really knows or can identify with. It can be really lonely.

IR: You take many forms--I mean you can be a dead body...
JD: I like being a dead body...that's fun...well, until the autopsy.

IR: When you go to parties and wear the "Hello my name is John Doe" sticker, do people laugh and think you are being a wise ass?
JD: LOL...yeah that happens a lot. When I show them my drivers license they about crap their drawers.

IR: Where did the name "Doe" come from? It's a little lame don't you think?
JD: Are you making fun of my family name, smart ass?

IR: Ok, sorry. John, tell me this...have you ever started out as John Doe and then later ended up with your old name?
JD: Oh yes! Once I got amnesia and took a bus to California and was just roaming the streets. I got picked up by the cops and they called me John Doe. A few months later I got my memory back and found out my name was really Melvin Smilovitz from Boca Raton, Florida. What a fucking bummer that was. I had to start eating Mahtzoh ball soup again and playing canasta at the Shady Pines retirement home with my wife Sheila.

IR: Ouch. Do you watch television? If so, what are some of your favorite shows?
JD: I love cold case, and CSI. My favorite show though is The Price is Right. Bob Barker is my hero.

IR: Ok, now that is really lame.
JD: BOB BARKER IS AN AMERICAN ICON!

IR: Yeah......yeah. So, John...who is better at the game Concentration...you or Jane?
JD: That's real funny. You know damn well neither of us can remember what we just saw or identify objects. That was a low blow.

IR: lol...sorry John Doe. I couldn't help it....it was like handing a color blind person a lemon starburst when they asked for a cherry.
JD: You are going to hell, I hope you know that.

IR: LOL....already have the ticket purchased, bigboy.
JD: I hope they stuck you in coach.

IR: Oh, before we go...do you know Tom, Dick and Harry? It seems like every one of them is the same.
JD: I know Tom and Harry from grade school and I am pretty sure I just met the Dick today during this interview!

IR: wow...you are bitter John Doe.
JD: Sorry irish...gotta run...I just got a call...I guess some dude bumped his head and can't remember his name. Looks like it's John Doe time. The only thing that sucks is, he also forgot how to have sex...this is going to suck...